Christmas memories

Does anyone else find the day after Christmas vaguely depressing? It's always such a bummer, realizing I have to wait another 9-10 months to begin listening to Christmas music again.

Fortunately, I have copious memories of this Christmas with my amazing family and friends to keep me company until then.

I thought I would write a bit about a dream I realized this week: the dream of eating the biggest, most delicious pancakes I've ever seen.

While I agree that there is no need to elaborate further on my pancake issues, risking personal embarrassment and complete dissatisfaction on the part of you, the reader, I feel the need to share it with you.

Rapidly working their way into an elite premier holiday eating list that includes my grandmother's sausage stuffing, apple pie on Christmas morning, and triple cream cheeses that wouldn't warrant a gaze at any other time of year, I think pancakes of this magnitude may become a holiday tradition for me and my future family. If breakfast addiction is at all hereditary, my future kids are sure to grapple with similar breakfast pastry issues.

My pancakes this particular morning had brown sugar-baked bananas, caramel, walnuts, and streusel, all baked into buttermilk batter, topped with caramel, walnuts, streusel, and a portion of whipped cream that, if eaten alone, would be sufficient as a meal in itself.

We didn't eat until noon. We were hungry and I was getting grumpy (an inevitable and sure-fire sign of my hunger.)

Three pancakes come in an order. I ordered two (pancakes, not orders), and I ate about half of one. This is what it looked like:

It was an admittedly pathetic display of my "off putting pancake gluttony." But they were massive. Just looking at the plate as it arrived at the table began my journey to that familiar uncomfortable fullness native to this time of year.

I was so full.

A friend I spoke with on the phone a while afterward asked if I was having trouble breathing. Seriously.

Still, it was one of the best breakfasts I've ever had, and certainly the best (half) pancake I've ever eaten.

Bonus: each customer's coffee is individually french pressed. When it's noon and I haven't had coffee yet, I'd consider licking it off the floor of Grand Central Station. But great coffee is always a welcome addition to an already fantastic breakfast.

I'm not sure I'll ever be crazy about LA. But places like this certainly don't hurt the cause.

It's Onion Friday--a day late

Early Humans Finally Drunk Enough to Invent Dancing.

Even though it's The Onion, would this story really surprise you if it came out of the Smithsonian, Popular Science, or any similarly respectable publication?

Only when early humans consumed an adequate amount of fermented fruits and vegetables did they "develop the impulsive series of rhythmic movements known today as dancing."

While friends who think making fun of my dancing is a sport speak to the contrary, I imagine that my dance moves are no more graceful than those of early man.

I'm talkin' people who didn't quite walk erect or spoke strictly in monosyllabic grunts.

But the first step toward improvement, on the dance floor or anywhere, is acceptance or wrongdoing. Sometimes, in a desperate effort to avoid subsequent humiliation, I issue a disclaimer before getting down so that people aren't surprised by my unadulterated lack of rhythm.

Sometimes, if the drinks have been flowing for a while, I don't.

Which is why this story is not at all off the mark.

The Cougar

Ah, cougars. The term is everywhere these days, creeping it's way into American vernacular quicker than "sexting" and "celebutante."

But as it turns out, the definition of cougar is actually quite subjective.

Most typically, it looks like this:

"A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male."

But here's a different one:

"An attractive middle-aged woman who is fit, active, confident, independent, somewhat bohemian and not yet brain dead who is attracted to younger men because most of the available men her age are opinionated lazy slugs with beer guts."

I'll let you make your own judgments.

Anyway, I read this morning that the world's first ever "cougar cruise" set sail from San Diego last week.

Promoted as a trip for "the woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn't want is children, cohabitation, and commitment" the cruise headed to Mexico for three days of "what happens on the cougar cruise stays on the cougar cruise" good times.

It even featured a visit by Miss Cougar America (yep, she actually exists), an honor given by the annual Cougar Convention (yep, that exists also.) Bonus: she's from my from my neck of the woods. Apparently the Bay Area is quite the cougar habitat. Who knew?

Considering that 2009 is "the year of the cougar" according to Newsweek, this type of cruise makes perfect sense from a business standpoint.

In better news, 2009 is almost over.

On a more serious note, though, I believe there is unequivocal and rampant age and gender discrimination inherent in the "cougar" term.

People don't blink an eye at older men dating younger women. And I should know. I work at a Ritz-Carlton.

But behold, the male equivalent to the cougar.

Meet "the Rhino."

"An older man on the prowl for a younger woman. The rhino is usually found in warmer locales and can be spotted wearing either a flowered or pastel shirt (with 3 buttons opened to expose a mature mane of chest hair) tucked into khaki shorts and sporting boat shoes. Also look for horrendous dance moves, a white man's overbite, male pattern baldness and a penchant for picking up the bar tab."

The best part is the photo of Rod Stewart next to the definition.

It won't catch on like "cougar." It doesn't have the predatory innuendo or derogatory insinuation of "cougar."

But I still have to commend whoever wrote it for at least attempting to find a male equivalent.

Education and wine....

I've always been of the mindset that you should learn something new every day.

For instance, the other day at work I learned that Brentwood, CA, is actually not a town but a neighborhood made famous by OJ Simpson in the early 90s.

But today I learned about something even more fantastic.

There's a winery by my house where there's cheap wine. Really cheap wine. Good, cheap wine.

Great wine at an killer price ($4.99 a bottle!!!!!!) as long as you bring your own bottle. It's called Bottle & Cork Day, and you should be angry that there's no such thing in your neck of the woods.

The description of the event on the website is delightfully, if not a bit dissatisfyingly vague, "premium wine at a great price."

It's delicious. And I'm proud to report that it has earned the Stark family seal of approval, something that is coveted and quite rare when applied to inexpensive booze of any kind.

Needless to say, it was a good day.

I work tomorrow morning, and all I really wanted to do tonight was sit on my couch, drink wine, pet my dog, and watch college football followed by Christmas movies that will make me laugh and cry simultaneously.

Now I have the perfect excuse:

I drank a whole lot of wine earlier.

I'm not old and boring.I'm just an early bird, ahead of the curve, and in bed on time for work in the morning.

Nice and refreshed and ready to learn something new.

San Francisco Living...

Now that I've received my first paycheck, I'm thinking realistically about where I'm going to live--away from home--like a regular, functional, self-sustaining 29-year-old.

Fortunately, I found this handy map to assist me in my increasingly frequent forages through Craigslist (yep, I'm already back on Craigslist):


It's San Francisco's "yuppie index" wherein the red signifies the highest concentration of yuppies in a given neighborhood. Their definition designates a "yuppie" as a young professional making more than $100,000/year. While the entire city is clearly blanketed by a pinkish hue, it is not surprising to me that my brother's neighborhood, the Marina, is #1. Equally as unsurprising is the fact that I have a long way to go before I fit this description, at which point, I'll no longer be young.

Digging further, I found a fantastic website--TownMe--where other maps are available for like minded curious real estate shoppers. In addition to yuppies, there are maps for populations of cougars (also highly crimson in my brother's hood), sugar daddies, starving students, single moms, single dads, and most relevant to me, people overextending themselves on rent, which sadly, will inevitably include me, as well as most people in the city.

At least I can rest assured, though, that Manhattan is more in the red on this front than San Francisco.

I'm still actively working to overcome lingering sticker shock from my time in the Midwest, a magical and glorious land of sub-$500 rents. Once the prospect of writing a monthly rent check with more than three digits doesn't make my heart race and my eyes tear, there will be no stopping me.

Shopping!

Are you guys Black Friday shoppers?

Hell hath no fury like herds of bargain-lovers who have waited in the cold for 12-plus hours on Thanksgiving Day.

While I thought about complaining that I had to work yesterday evening, I stopped to consider retail employees who spent their Thanksgiving evening preparing to deal with overzealous shoppers who would sell their own mother up the river for a good deal on an electronic pet hamster

I don't ever intend to subject myself to such things. But thanks to the Internet, I'm the proud owner of two new sweaters from JCrew. Bought 'em for 20% off sittin' in my PJs eating leftover sweet potatoes.

And for the record, 9:30 am is fast approaching, and I've read nothing about old ladies getting trampled or gunfire breaking out over the last Craftsman Drill Set.

I'm considering it a successful day.

Thoughts....

I have nothing in particular to discuss today (further evidence that I don't get out enough), but I thought I'd share with you my thoughts (read on, I promise they're not flying turtles though, they're equally as arbitrary.)

1. There is a Subway next door to my gym. The garage smells like fresh baked bread, resulting in a brutal daily walk from my car to the elliptical machine, where rather than consuming hundreds of empty calories worth of warm fresh starchy goodness, I sweat and pant and watch crappy shows on VH1.

2. I finally took the Missouri plates off my car today. Now the silver bullet looks like any other boring California car. The UCSB plate holder, the SF Giants decal, it's all so banal now. I'm still hangin' on to my Missouri drivers license because, frankly, I'll never take a photo that flattering ever again.

3. The latest thing making me laugh:



As my friend Sean poignantly noted, these guys pretty much comprised our entire college play list. And Bob Marley. And John Mayer. And a lot more Bob Marley.

4. These thanksgiving turkey substitutes are funny. And disturbing. And make me unquestionably thankful that I eat meat. Bean loaf? Tofu shaped like turkey? I'm all for health, but an imaginary Thanksgiving ethics line has assuredly been crossed.

5. A friend told me about Regretsy, which is a website dedicated to finding ugly crap sold on Etsy. And it's not a joke. This is real live commerce here, people.
(p.s. If you like shopping and haven't been to Etsy, go there now. It's awesome.)

My favorite featured on today's page:
Fighting for one's country is no reason not to look one's best (this reminds me of Buster's army stint in Arrested Development. Anyone else?)

Also, a super creepy fairy sculpture (that I'm not entirely convinced doesn't come to life in the middle of the night) and a nice little "frame ready" portrait for above your bed.

"Boom boom boom..."

A large part of my job at the Ritz-Carlton is preparing special occasions for visiting guests.

This typically means rose petal-covered beds for anniversary or honeymoon couples and chocolate covered strawberries for birthdays, champagne for proposals and infant gifts for "babymoons" (a HUGE new fad--have you guys heard of these???)

But sometimes it's more fun than that.

A couple came to the hotel this week to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

50 years! Of being married! 50 years of being married! That's a long-ass time and to me, certainly deserving of all the bells and whistles the Ritz can produce.

So in addition to the regular flowers and a cake, we made a CD of Billboard's Top 10 Hits from the year they were married.

I put it in their room and set the CD player to repeat, ensuring that one such ditty will be playing upon the happy couple's entrance into the room (Only took me 10 minutes to figure out--I totally rule at technology.)

So romantic, right?

But, alas, here's why:

The songs are from 1959.

It's Frankie Avalon singing "Venus," The Platters with "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes," and "Lonely Boy" by Paul Anka.

Say what you will about music from the 1950s and early 1960s--that stuff's charming, if a bit saccharine and overly sentimental.

And this got me to thinking:

In the year I get married, what will be the top 10 hits of the year?

What are/will be the top 10 hits from your wedding year?

I guarantee you it won't be as romantic as if you were married in 1959.

For example, if you were married last year, some of the songs on your CD would be "Love in This Club"(Usher,) "Touch my Body" (Mariah Cary,) and "I Kissed a Girl" (Katy Perry.)

2007?

It's "Buy You a Drank" (T-Payne), "Crank That" (Soulja Boy) and "Kiss Kiss" (Chris Brown.)

Totally not the same effect.

It's "a lovely girl with sunlight in her hair" versus "Got me wantin' to give it to you all night."

It's "I'll make her happy just wait and see" versus "I know the club closes at 3 what's the chances of you rollin' wit me?"

So even though I know my work enhances the Ritz Carlton brand, I can't help but smile knowing that these little things will make a couple's anniversary that much more memorable.

Even if they're in their $700/night room, bumpin' to "Boom Boom Pow" and "Poker Face."

November 17....

...the day I officially started listening to Christmas music.

I freakin' love Christmas music.

I typically steer clear of Rudolph and Frosty and Jingle Bell Rocking. I avoid like the plague Alvin and the Chipmunks, Grandma getting run over by a reindeer, and mommy kissing Santa Claus.

But I'll take most of the other stuff.

Before you call me overzealous, let me first tell you that I may have begun my holiday season a week earlier last year. My roommates laughed at me and called me a nerd (let it be known that they began listening that very day. Hypocrites.)

But listening in mid-November made sense, and here's why:

I was in the middle of Missouri. It's cold there. Today, it's 41 and raining.

Now that I've migrated out West, my foray into an early season just isn't the same.

I'm in California. It's not so cold here. It's 63 and sunny.

In honor of my day off, I jubilantly hopped on Pandora in anticipation of some solid New York Times reading and Christmas music reveling.

But it just doesn't feel right.

I'm not curled up on my bed being blasted with hot air from my space heater, a giant mug of something hot in hand.

I'm sitting here in short sleeves drinking cold beer.

Yep, things have changed a bit.

One song really caught my interest, though. Maybe because it's not overly Christmasy. I've always loved it. It's simple and perfect and can be listened to any time of year.

Otherwise, I'll put the Christmas tunes on the back burner for a little while longer. John Mayer's got a new album out that should keep me busy for a while....

Fake grammar is totally better than real grammar....

I'll talk about something my fellow journalism peeps already know and love, but that requires mentioning at some point on my blog, for my less grammatically savvy readers, since it makes me laugh nearly every day.

It's Fake AP Stylebook.

And the reason it's so funny is because it ridicules the AP Stylebook itself, the virtual bible of writing, which is just that in journalism circles.

It's gospel. Scripture. Words to live by.

And you shall worship no other stylebook above it.

It's a thick and boring and updated yearly and is absolutely essential if you're writing for publication (excluding the blog you're presently reading.)

If you want to know when to underline or italicize or capitalize or abbreviate, you consult it.

If you want to know when to use "affect" versus "effect" or can't for the life of you figure out the difference between "their, they're and there," you consult it.

If you have a penchant for extraneous apostrophes (ex. "large pizza's" and "green bean's) you consult it.

If you want to escape painstaking grammar, aren't one for morphology, or just want to laugh, consult the Fake AP Stylebook.

I thought I would mention a few from past days that made me smile:

The antecedent for "she" in "that's what she said" is generally understood to be "your mom."

"Bloody Mary" on first and second mentions, "Mary" on third to avoid summoning her through the mirror.

If a person has both played a recurring role on ALF and won a Nobel Prize for Physics, emphasize the former.

When referring to litters of children conceived through IVF, always include a quote from a source about "God's precious miracles."

In a byline, "With additional reporting by" can be shortened to "Big Ups To."

And finally,

There are differences between "pass," "enact," "approve" and "adopt," but remember: your readers don't care.

Funny, right?

Or is this just my journalism degree speaking?

"A good friend who hated Glenn Beck and loves to dance...."

I love this, not only because it's funny, but also because I used to be a Glenn Beck fan, back when he was a regular radio host and not an arrogant, insolent, nefarious, unscrupulous sellout.

Please enjoy.

"I heard someone screaming, and I thought it was just an accurate impression of Glenn Beck talking normally."


Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Pancake envy....

A new friend of mine trying to get me to visit him in Southern California.

Seemingly out of nowhere, I received something like this on my phone:


(photo is too big to fit on the blog, which I personally think is awesome)

The craziest thing is that he had no idea how nutso I am for pancakes.

NUTSO.

I love them. Even crappy pancakes I kind of love.

Even cold ones. Or boring ones. Or ones that are kind of raw and gooey in the middle.

Anyone who knows me knows that they could possibly be my favorite food ever (excluding quiche, of course.)

It's this place called The Griddle Cafe in Hollywood. So I checked out the menu, and it just so happens to be the most awesome pancake menu in the universe.

And though I hate admitting that LA does anything better than the Bay Area, I have yet to find this caliber of pancake rhetoric north of the central valley.

So in honor of my love for breakfast, and my new friend Eric for recognizing this even before I expose him to the off-putting display of gluttony associated with my pancake habit, I thought I would share with you a few of my favorite things from their menu (the top two of which happen to be french toasts--I sense a new addiction coming on...)

Apple cobbler french toast (apple bread rolled in cinnamon crunch batter served with baked cinnamon apples.)

Creme de la creme (graham cracker crusted french toast drizzled with creamy cheesecake topping and powdered sugar)

The Golden Ticket ("Banana nana" pancakes filled with caramel, walnuts, and streusel.)

And two that are over the top but unequivocally deserve mention:

Chocolate chip cookie crusted french toast and crushed oreo-filled pancakes.

I don't like LA. Few things get me down there. But dreams of these pancakes might just be all I need to book a flight.

Just don't tell Eric.

"From our mother in law's house to the unemployment office and back..."

It's Onion Frid---er, Saturday! I'm a day late. I'm a workin' girl now, don't judge.

Introducing: Ford's new model for 2010. Hilarious.

In the words of one happy customer, "Basically, I just need a car. And the '93 Taurus is one."


Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

Public service announcement...

..about the new Michael Jackson movie.

On my last day of freedom, my mom and I went to see "This is It."



Purses filled with pumpkin beer and microwaved popcorn, we only hoped for an entertaining couple of hours.

That day may have seen the best $8 I've ever spent.

Incredible.

I wouldn't consider myself a die hard fan of MJ necessarily. I didn't cry when he died. I only own the greatest hits album, a surefire indicator of a so-so fan. I like the Thriller video, but who doesn't?

And thanks to a tremendous job by our own ruthless American media, I thought he was a strung out weirdo when he died.

If this movie accomplishes anything, it's teaching people that he was actually very lucid and energetic in his final days.

Rehearsing for what would have surely been the best concert experience that ever was, MJ rocked his signature dance moves in tow with his signature perfectionism, a rare quality for pop artists these days.

This says nothing of the amazing editing and organization on the part of the movie's producer. Just awesome.

I want to go again. Plus, I'm now the proud owner of just about the entire Michael Jackson catalog. It's all I've listened to for the last few days.

"Remember the Time" is the song playing at the moment.

To think of all the hours I wasted listening to anything else.

She works hard for the money....

I totally worked today, you guys.

As my bestie roommates and I would have said in Missouri, there's now an "Andy-shaped hole in the couch."

For my friends elsewhere:

It was 80 degrees today.

This is what it looked like there:



We spent most of the day in a conference room learning ALL about the hotel (which we will repeat tomorrow) but we did get to take a sweet tour in a golf cart all around the grounds.

We also totally ate creme brulee.

It was awesome and I'm a happy girl.

Roughin' it, college style

On our way home from the airport in Boston the other day, I saw a set of stunning new high rise condos overlooking the Charles River. Or at least what I thought were condos.

They were not. They were the new dorms at Boston University--the "skycenter of the BUniverse."

These are them:


This is their view:



For comparative purposes, I thought I'd share with you the cinder block-laden architecture of my college dorm.



And my view:



Now, I can't quite figure out why I feel resentment rather than excitement for these very lucky young people who will never again be impressed by any building they ever live in again, ever.

Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical, jaded by my recent foray into apartment searching in downtown San Francisco.

Sadly, the $13,000/year price tag on the BU dorms is really an amazing deal by San Francisco standards.

I was impressed and surprised by this, and when I turned on the Today Show this morning, it seemed their producers were impressed as well. The BU dorms and some other new dorms from Purdue won their own segment on this morning's show.

Ah, college.

In the words of one mother moving her child into aforementioned luxury, "Life is tough. I'm going back to college. If there's a martini bar, I'm staying."

Autumn in New England (part 2)

As astute readers may remember, I wrote some weeks back about Fall. How much I love it, and how I went to the pumpkin patch which was awesome but that in no way compared to autumn in New England.

Fall in the West is simply inadequate by my very stringent standards.

But, behold:

I have some amazing friends in Boston who fashioned an effort to get me on a plane out there. Then my friend Lucy drew up a delightful and action packed itinerary for us, based on my wishes for autumn that appeared on the blog.

And I'm leaving on Thursday--how can a girl say no to that?!? (it also doubles as my pre-employment last hurrah.)

In the aforementioned blog post, I discussed ziplining over the orange, yellow and red trees of Western Massachusetts, which despite my fear of heights and better judgment, we have officially signed up for.


We're eating dinner at Legal Seafoods, Boston's premier seafood eatery. There's not enough lobster or clam chowder in the greater Boston area to satiate my recent New England cuisine cravings (to speak nothing of the quanities of Dunkin' Donuts coffee I'll be consuming during my stay):


Stomach's growling just thinking about it.

We're going to Salem on Halloween.

Salem on Halloween!!!

I can't wait. It will probably be mayhem, but well worth combating the costume clad, cotton candy eating masses.

As Lucy said in her itinerary, "there will be more pirates than you can count, more witches than you can take pictures with, and more shady looking characters than you’d care to encounter at once. Would you really want to spend Halloween anywhere else?"

Nope. No I wouldn't.

And of course, there will be time with good friends. It sucks when 3,000 miles separates you from people who mean the most to you. But such is life.

This history-loving, lobster-cracking, leef-peeping, coffee-guzzling girl couldn't be more excited to see them.

Big changes

Today I'm talkin' 'bout Facebook!

Whether you're an active user, fueled by lack of a job, say, or a limited Facebooker, you've no doubt noticed the changes to the homepage as of late.

This throws people for a loop. Every time.

Here's why: people don't like to see their favorite site change. At all. No no noooo to change. But as Slate writer Farhad Manjoo wrote in March after the last redesign,

"It used to be easy to get to people's photos and notes, but now you've got to click around to find anything. Are you at your wit's end? I've got news for you: You'll get over it soon enough."

The Facebook team knows not to take people's threats to abandon the site seriously. For example, Facebook came along with the NewsFeed in 2006. And people hated it, calling it obtrusive. This was before my time, of course, but can you imagine Facebook without its signature Newsfeed?

As I was saying with a new friend the other day, it makes stalking so obnoxiously easy.

In case you're confused, as I was, about this past week's redesign, here it is:

1. The "live feed" (which is based on an algorithm that scores every update coming through based on "likes," comments, and your past interactions with people) is now at the top of the page and shows the number of new items since your last visit.

2. Highlights and hot status updates are the default, called "news feed."

3. Birthdays and events have replaced the old "highlights," making it even less likely that you'll forget anyone's birthday ever, assuming they're your friend on the Facebook.

Of course, there's a group called "I Automatically Hate the New Facebook Homepage."
The group's descprition:
*I hate change and everything associated with it
*I want everything to remain static throughout my entire life.
*I do not know what I want from things I cannot control
*By logical deduction I automatically oppose the new Facebook streaming homepage.
*If I have to explain this group it is no longer funny.

Not surprisingly, Mark Zuckerberg and other staffers are members.

Even less surprising, people have joined thinking it's real.

Onion Friday!

Have you guys browsed the Onion's store?

It turns out the Onion is not only a superlative publication but also a thriving bastion of commerce!

Here are some of my favorites. And Christmas is right around the corner!

1. A framed copy of a paper from a memorable day (typically, I avoid expletives on the blog, but the following is an exception on account of awesomeness):



2. The world's only USB powered single slice toasting device!



3. For the outdoors lover in your life. Or the Nalgene bottle lover (of which there are a lot more in this world):



Or another, equally introspective, approach to quaffing:



4. "At last, a personal debris removal system that will not cause injury if used properly."

This could have done wonders for our house in grad school.



I also want the t-shirt that says "Area Woman" and a shamefully accurate coffee mug that says, "I often make light of my chemical dependency on caffeine."

I wonder if admitting weakness would be frowned upon in my new job....

Cognitive fitness! Move over Richard Simmons...

I saw this study the other day, and since I still feel like I'm 18 years old, I didn't think twice about it.

Until I did.

I just turned 29, after all--not quite the spring chicken I once was. Also, I'm always looking for ways to prove that spending time on the computer is salubrious--not dissimilar to my affinity for studies that prove (then disprove and prove again) the health benefits of coffee and red wine.

At UCLA, researchers determined that the Internet is healthy for middle-aged and older people!

Healthy!

Apparently, time spent searching online leads to neural stimulation, which leads to better reasoning and decision-making. Searching requires people to temporarily store information and determine relevant information from a whole lot of it.

Which makes sense. When you're searching, you have to plow through endless piles of data in order to get the information you want, paying careful attention to avoid porn sites and lame advertisements.

A Google session is like a spinning class for the ol' noggin!

We're lookin' at stimulating and building brain function, potentially counteracting age-related psychological slow down.

It's like crossword puzzles or knitting or (my personal fav) Sodoku, only so much more 21st century.

Can't wait until the study on middle-aged Wii use comes out :)

In related news, did you know that older web users are called "silver surfers?"

Feelin' the burn

Today I joined a gym.

Then I worked out in it.

It's 24-Hour Fitness, but it's brand new and totally awesome.

It's me to the power of 24.

There are devices there I didn't even know existed.

There are machines with personal TVs for those nights when I need to exercise but don't want to miss the program du jour, lest I neglect the television habit I've nurtured so vehemently during unemployment. I figure any one of those contraptions torches at least a few more calories than the couch I've inhabited for the past two months.

In the wise words of Kanye West, "one and two and four and get those sit ups right and tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this."

Or equally insightful words from "Saved By the Bell" circa 1990, "put your mind to it, go for it, get down and break a sweat, rock and roll, you ain't seen nothin' yet."
(If you're around my age, you're lying if you say you don't know what I'm talking about.)

I'm so stoked to get back into a regular exercise routine. I've been running, but not as much as I used to nor as much as I should.

Today's workout of running and stairs lasted an hour, but only because I was embarrassed to leave any earlier.

Now I'm tired, but high on the idea of feeling less tired after a comparable workout in a few months. Maybe even a class or two. Maybe Pilates. Or spinning. Maybe both.

In our great state of California we have a very astute governor. He likes to work out. Pump iron. Grab a front row ticket to the gun show. Anyway, he says,

“The resistance that you fight physically in the gym and the resistance that you fight in life can only build a strong character.”

I'm goin' every day.

I want to be as cool as the Arnold.

Big news....

I. Am. Employed.

EMPLOYED!!!!!!!!!!

Empleado! Entre au service! Impiegato! Bei einer Firma arbieten!!!!

I shall work here:




I'm so thrilled with the company (The Ritz Carlton) and even more thrilled with my new position (guest recognition coordinator.)

The Ritz Carlton is unique in that they have a guest relations department--a group of people employed exclusively to speak with guests before, during and after their stay, and to make them feel welcome on a far more personal note than a basket of fruit waiting in their room.

I suppose it's hard to hide that I like talking and that I'm generally super smiley when I do it. This, coupled with creative thinking about how to make guests feel welcome, and also some writing of letters and marketing materials, will be my job.

I'm so stoked.

I've worked for the company before, and I loved it. Learned a lot about dealing with people. And I met some pretty awesome people through the Ritz in Vail. Also, they're amazing about promoting from within--movin' up the ol' totem poll--hopefully to PR or marketing one of these days.

Orientation's not until November 4.

That gives me a couple more weeks to revel in the leisure that has been my life for the past couple months....

Peace out, Craigslist. Your services are no longer needed :)

I hope I see this guy...

I've totally fallen off the blogging wagon this week.

I'm heading to sunny, beautiful Los Angeles for a wedding this morning, and....

...this is big....

...I'm leaving my laptop at home!!!!!!

Scary, considering the shakes I get when I'm away from this thing.

Let's call it temporary technology liberation.

Though I will have my Blackberry :) Not entirely ready to quit cold turkey on this one.

Enjoy the 30 Rock premier this evening.

Enjoy the weekend.

We're lookin' at 90 degrees in LA this weekend, so I'll certainly enjoy mine.

Permission to come aboard, Mr. President...

This weekend I had the distinct treat of taking a boat ride through the San Francisco Bay during Fleet Week, a tradition during which active military ships dock in various cities, allowing the crew to visit tourist attractions.

In San Francisco, it means millions of people infiltrating the city and a fantastic air show by the Blue Angles and other amazing flight crews. Also, a copious number of uniformed sailors along San Francisco's Embarcadero.

The beauty of being on the water (aside from the obvious beauty of simply being on the water) was that we could escape the millions of land lubbers on shore while still enjoying the unspeakable beauty that is this city and the bay that surrounds it.

Thanks to my father and his friend who captains the vessel, we took the ride on the USS Potomac. Built in 1934, it was once President Franklin Roosevelt's presidential yacht.

Pretty sweet, right fellow history geeks?

Now, it carts gortex-clad fleet week enthusiasts through the bay. We were fed turkey sandwiches and wine. FDR (or at least a guy that looks a lot like him) still graces the ship, answering any possible question you have (or don't have) about the man himself.

It was a blast.

Here are some of the things we saw (you can click on the image for a closer view, or not :)

The Patriots Jet Team over Alcatraz, complete with very patriotic exhaust (which we were told is environmentally friendly. Gotta love SF.)



The Blue Angels coming over the Golden Gate:



A closer view of the Blue Angels (the show was canceled after this fly over because of fog. And damn was it foggy.)
They fly about 2 feet from each other, so the elements are bad news bears for safety, hence the cancellation:



Finally, my happy family (photo credit: nice lady who is intimidated by big cameras):



Thanks, Dad, for a wonderful time. Fleet Week will never be the same.

Fun fun math!!

Thanks to the magic of StumbleUpon, I have encountered "pie chart humor."
Now, as a disclaimer, I don't know if I have a ridiculously lame sense of humor or I'm just desperate for a laugh because tonight's "The Big Bang Theory" is just not very funny.

I think the fact that I'm admitting that pie charts can be funny automatically decreases my coolness factor, but alas, admitting one's nerdhood may be the first step in combating it.

I'm presenting you with my favorite pie charts, in FAA order (that stands for "funniness according to Andy.")

(Hopefully you'll think they're funny too. If not, watch tonight's "Big Bang Theory.")

1. "We've known each other...for so long..."


2. Old school video games rule:



3. "I'd run right in to hell and back...."



4. Ah, the vicious truth behind processed food:



5. Mmmmmmm, pie. It would only be better if it were pumpkin :)

It's Onion Friday!

Despondex: "A huge step forward in the battle against exuberance."

If you personalize your license plates and participate in community theater, this could help.

Hilarious.

Have a good weekend!


FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Another year older....

Wiser? Eh, not so much....

So yesterday was my birthday.

I don't like my birthday.

I stopped liking my birthday after I turned 21.

But that's not to say that I haven't been happy with how the day's been celebrated in recent years.

Last night I had an amazing dinner with my family at Foreign Cinema, complete with Rosemary's Baby playing on a big screen in the courtyard.

Getting ready for bed after this amazing meal somehow triggered a curious and unexpected nostalgia for my birthday in Missouri.

Nostalgia for my birthday in Missouri. Words I never thought I would write.

But my 27th birthday marked one of my best memories of graduate school. It was the first of many in our 7-girl house. It was semi-formal.

It was the beginning of a series of insane cakes custom baked for each roommate's birthday.

There were amazing decorations and appetizers.

There was champagne.

There were photos taken with people I hardly knew who would go on to become good friends.

And there was a keg stand in my black dress that my roommates still won't let me live down.

There was a party the next year also. You can't expect people to dress in semi-formal attire two years in a row, but it was a great time--with an unbelievable and very very thoughtful pumpkin shaped, pumpkin flavored cake that would make Betty Crocker jealous. Lord knows I loves me some pumpkin.


Thank you to everyone who made those birthdays so special.

I do miss my life there.

Though I did just see flash flood warnings are plaguing central Missouri today. They're seeing a potential 9 inches of rain.

I suppose that helps a bit...

Unemployment and the art of couch sitting.....

In the early days of this looking for work debacle, I had a "no TV during the day" policy, in hopes of stimulating my brain through reading and other like productive activity.

Thanks to Hulu and all-day marathons that mysteriously suck your will to get off the couch, things have changed a bit. Additionally, the regular baseball season is over, and the Giants have hung up their cleats, clearing 3-hour blocks of my evening to fill.

I didn't watch TV in graduate school. Short of the Thursday night lineup, I was strictly an NPR girl, and proud of it.

TV, after all, is the culture of the unemployed. And I was a busy girl. Between class, school work, and my six roommates, I was rarely hurting for plans.

Now, I don't know if my standards are getting lower, or if I just have way too much time on my hands, but there are a lot of television shows on right now that I'm pretty impressed with.

So as both therapy for me and advice to you, I thought I would share the programs I like this season. I watch a lot of this online, but with research I've broken it down into a weekly schedule for your viewing pleasure.

Note: as a rule, I avoid like the plague: vampire shows, reality TV (with one super awesome exception), and cheesy high school dramas.

Monday: How I Met Your Mother. This show is legend--wait for it---dary. Still funny, even after all of these seasons.

The Rachel Zoe Project. My one reality exception. It's so obnoxious, but like any good weekly train wreck, I need to watch. Every week. As Rachel herself would say, "It's bananas."

Wednesday: Glee. The best new show on TV. Hopefully you already watch it, so I'll say no more.

Modern Family. A mockumentary-style take on a typical family sitcom, except the families are far from typical. So funny. Watch it on Hulu.

The Middle. Another dysfunctional family show, set in Indiana. Watched it last night on Hulu with low expectations and was very pleasantly surprised.

Thursday: Parks and Recreation. The Office. 30 Rock. Best shows on TV.

And the jury's still out on Community. People like it. I don't, but feel I should give it another chance since it resides within the beloved Thursday night lineup.

Saturday: SNL. One of the reasons I love Hulu so much is that you don't have to watch an entire episode--they have it broken down by sketches. I watched some of the Ryan Reynolds show the other day, and I was definitely laughing.

Sunday: Mad Men is sooooo awesome. It's "mesmerizing," as my mom would say.

I watch the Today Show but stay away from CNN, MSNBC and any other 24-hour news network because I think they make Americans hateful and fearful and compliant for no reason.

Anything else I could be missing?

I got time.

I will write about public relations...

...because that is ultimately what I want to do with my life.

Ah, Wisconsin. I read this and loved it. Whether you have a healthy appreciation of the Badger State (go Pack go!) or can't point America's Dairyland out on a US map, it's funny. And it's an interesting look at a public relations decision.

Here's the story:

The Wisconsin Tourism Federation (yes, WTF) quietly changed their name to the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin (TFW), according to the AP.

WTF has been around since 1979, before I was born and way way before people who say "wtf" were born. But rather than just laughing about it and chalking it up to victimhood of modern-day acronym omnipresence, WTF backed down.

Some people say that this was a huge mistake--that embracing WTF could help rake in the tourism dollars.

Picture it: one minute someone is typing "wtf" into Google to learn to talk with his kids in modern slang, and the next he's planning a lovely trip to lovely Sturgeon Beach, WI, with stops at the Maritime Museum and a chilly jaunt on a rented snowmobile. Everyone wins!

One blogger said, "What I fail to understand is why people who wear cheese on their heads at football games are this sensitive about being called WTF.”

If it were up to me, I would have capitalized on it. It's a ballsy move, but it seems that so much success these days is the direct result of ballsy moves.

I suppose you gotta give the Midwest props for being wholesome. You betcha!

No big post today...

..but something I saw this morning that I thought was hilarious, if also very sad and disturbingly accurate:

(if you can't see it, there's a better view here.)

Maybe you've seen it before. I hadn't. And it makes me laugh. I love how Canada is "uninhabited."

In other disturbing news, I read the other day that 75 percent of Oklahoma high school students can't name the first president of the United States.

Sad reflection on our educational system. Not ok, OK!

You can read the questions and responses from OK students here. See how you do :)

"Most Americans feel that being out of shape and unhappy are core American values..."

Onion Friday!!!!

I loved this video--hilarious.

"He's frolicking with Michelle while most of the country is trying to make it through one more day with their intolerable spouses."


Poll: Happy, Healthy Obamas Out Of Touch With Miserable Americans

One more thing:

I follow a lot of career coaches and recruiters on Twitter, and usually the posts are full of pretty serious, thoughtful advice, especially in this tough economic climate.

But one of them posted this this morning, and I liked it. A little bit of humor in an otherwise very serious time. And a nod to my fellow Big Lebowski fans out there.

My fav line:

"I’ll tell you what I’m blathering about…I’ve got information man! New shit has come to light!”

Noting to myself to use this in my next conversation with my future boss. I'm sure it will win me serious brownie points :)

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

News from the Bucks

In case you fell like you haven't been adequately inundated with Starbucks marketing as of late, I thought I would discuss it, inspired by the extremely heavy rotation of their commercials in the mornings.

I've never been a big fan of Starbucks coffee. I think it's too expensive.

I think it tastes burnt.

And at the risk of exposing my serious lack of sophistication, I admit that the bottomless coffee at IHOP rivals it.

But that's not to say that their most recent ad blitz isn't interesting. I appreciate them for embracing the fundamentals of modern marketing--getting the customer involved.

Talking with them rather than at them.

Letting the product speak for itself.

Apparently they've been developing Via, their instant coffee product, for 20 years. It's a scary thing to move to instant. You don't want to cheapen your $4/cup brand, but you want to make it accessible to peeps who aren't near a store at a given moment, but have a hankering for a nice cup o bucks.

After all, instant coffee is a $20 billion market.

Starbucks just had to tap that eventually.

As far as the marketing goes, the idea is to get customers into one of the 7,500 Starbucks stores in the US to do a taste test of the real stuff and the instant stuff. Regardless of your coffee tasting prowess, the thank-you card is good for a free cup of coffee and $1 off the instant stuff.

As it is now, the instant stuff is only available at Starbucks stores, REI (I've always said that camping should not equate to terrible coffee), Office Depot, Compass, United Airlines, Barnes & Noble cafes, and Marriott and Omni Hotels.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.

Would you guys try it out?

In other innovative Starbucks news, the coffee giant is now accepting mobile payments. In short, your iPhone = your Starbucks card. Ah, technology.

Ah, Fall.

It's official.

Fall is in the air.

It's 9:30 am. It's 55 degrees outside.

And it's crazy how just two short months in Northern California makes these temperatures feel frigid. To the Colorado or Missouri Andy, this would feel tropical.

Still, it's my favorite time of year, even in this fall foliage-challenged part of the country.

In honor of the first fall-like day we've had here, my mom and I went to Half Moon Bay, home to the famous Mavericks surf competition, the best Ramus Fizz on the planet (in my somewhat limited experience with this delightful cocktail), and also home to dozens of pumpkin patches.

Pumpkins everywhere!

And not just your run of the mill orange ones. There's huge gnarled ones, tiny little ones, and every type of gourd and squash I've ever seen, and some I have never seen.

Did you know they grow light green pumpkins?

Accompanied with autumn is my insatiable desire to hit up the Northeast, home to some of the most fantastic fall foliage around. Summer's hot, winter's bitter, but fall may make it all worth it.

Here are some places I want to go right now:

Ziplining in Massachusetts: conquering my fear of heights with a birds' eye views miles and miles of colorful trees would make me one happy "leaf peeper."

Then I want to go to Camden Hills State Park in Maine, where I can hike in, or just sit and stare at this view from afar. The only thing better than marvelous fall colors is the contrast of the colors against the water.

I've always wanted to visit Salem around Halloween. There's an Annual Psychic Fair and Witchcraft Expo! And a creepy looking Terror Trail (which could tie with ziplining as the most scary thing I've ever done.) And for the history nerd in all of us, there's the Salem Witch Museum, which I've seen before and will happily see again.

And I want to stay here, an old stagecoach tavern from 1773. There's a porch with rocking chairs and creeky floors. I'll feel like I'm actually sleeping in a Normal Rockwell painting!

Not that I'll mind.

This time of year, there's no better place to be.