Back in the saddle....

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written! But it's so nice to know that you people somehow, someway miss me! Unfortunately, today I'm sick and the creative juices aren't necessarily flowing.

My joints and muscles hurt like hell and it feels like someone lodged a spiky golf ball in my throat. I'm reluctantly revisiting the days of unemployment on my trusty family room couch.

But in the spirit of optimism (inspired by tonight's State of the Union Address, notwithstanding boos from angry republicans), I thought I'd make a list of things making me happy while I'm sick:

Ocean Spray sugar-free blueberry (blueberry!!!) juice. Straight up deliciousness.

Alleve and all the other members of the pain-killing family.

The 3rd season of "Big Love." Gotta love that crazy family and their polygamist shenanigans.

Hulu and missed episodes of "30 Rock" and "Modern Family." By far the best sitcoms on TV.

Egg white omelettes with old friends who live far away (and tell you how you're "not learning to be sick very well.")

My new subscription to "The Wine Spectator:" making me more of a vino snob than I already was. And you thought that wasn't possible....

Thoughts of being up in Tahoe in a week from now with my amazing new boyfriend, skiing, eating, drinking, and repeating. My sore throat and achy muscles aren't invited.

And, for venting purposes, a short list of the things not making me happy:

The "homemade" chicken noodle soup from our grocery store that is slimy and tastes like it came out of a can that's been sitting on a pantry shelf for the better part of a decade.

The end of Brett Favre's season. That guy fought the good fight and came up just a bit short. Sad.

Does anyone else think that our vice president looks like Guy Smiley of Sesame Street fame?


Twilight.
That movie flat out sucks.

Bacon.

I wish I knew what transpired in my head to drive me to publicly pay respect in the form of an entire blog post to this unfailingly welcome addition to any meal.

But if you haven't played around with the term "bacon flavored" on Google, and you have some time on your hands, it's fun, and like bacon itself, a bit addictive.

Turns out there exists a Holy Church of Bacon, aiming to "promote consumption of, and unfaltering love for, the holiest of holy foods: Bacon." They abide by the "Five Baconic Laws," bacommandments if you will, and I love them so much I had to share them:

* Thou shalt not consider Bacon on the same level as any other food, as it is above all.
* Thou shalt not consume imitation Bacon.
* Thou shalt not stop pursuing Baconlightenment until it is reached.
* Thou shalt not forget to consume Bacon for ten days.
* Thou shalt spread the word of Bacon to all.

And now for a few enjoyable bacon things I found that I may or may not like to try someday:

"Bakon" Vodka: "clean, crisp, and delicious." Really? Some of the recipes look great, but clean and crisp are just about the last possible adjectives I would use to describe any pork-flavored alcohol.

A site dedicated to "bacon porn." Photos of everything from bacon cinnamon rolls to bacon lubricant to good old fashioned plates of cooked bacon. Bacon porn for every taste.

There's scarves, watches, underwear, wallets, mints, and toothpicks. And there's this:



Pretty awesome, right? That's a guy who loves his bacon and isn't afraid to show it. Bonus: it smells like bacon. Hopefully homegirl in the red enjoys cured pork as much as he does.