Early Humans Finally Drunk Enough to Invent Dancing.
Even though it's The Onion, would this story really surprise you if it came out of the Smithsonian, Popular Science, or any similarly respectable publication?
Only when early humans consumed an adequate amount of fermented fruits and vegetables did they "develop the impulsive series of rhythmic movements known today as dancing."
While friends who think making fun of my dancing is a sport speak to the contrary, I imagine that my dance moves are no more graceful than those of early man.
I'm talkin' people who didn't quite walk erect or spoke strictly in monosyllabic grunts.
But the first step toward improvement, on the dance floor or anywhere, is acceptance or wrongdoing. Sometimes, in a desperate effort to avoid subsequent humiliation, I issue a disclaimer before getting down so that people aren't surprised by my unadulterated lack of rhythm.
Sometimes, if the drinks have been flowing for a while, I don't.
Which is why this story is not at all off the mark.
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