The Cougar

Ah, cougars. The term is everywhere these days, creeping it's way into American vernacular quicker than "sexting" and "celebutante."

But as it turns out, the definition of cougar is actually quite subjective.

Most typically, it looks like this:

"A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male."

But here's a different one:

"An attractive middle-aged woman who is fit, active, confident, independent, somewhat bohemian and not yet brain dead who is attracted to younger men because most of the available men her age are opinionated lazy slugs with beer guts."

I'll let you make your own judgments.

Anyway, I read this morning that the world's first ever "cougar cruise" set sail from San Diego last week.

Promoted as a trip for "the woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn't want is children, cohabitation, and commitment" the cruise headed to Mexico for three days of "what happens on the cougar cruise stays on the cougar cruise" good times.

It even featured a visit by Miss Cougar America (yep, she actually exists), an honor given by the annual Cougar Convention (yep, that exists also.) Bonus: she's from my from my neck of the woods. Apparently the Bay Area is quite the cougar habitat. Who knew?

Considering that 2009 is "the year of the cougar" according to Newsweek, this type of cruise makes perfect sense from a business standpoint.

In better news, 2009 is almost over.

On a more serious note, though, I believe there is unequivocal and rampant age and gender discrimination inherent in the "cougar" term.

People don't blink an eye at older men dating younger women. And I should know. I work at a Ritz-Carlton.

But behold, the male equivalent to the cougar.

Meet "the Rhino."

"An older man on the prowl for a younger woman. The rhino is usually found in warmer locales and can be spotted wearing either a flowered or pastel shirt (with 3 buttons opened to expose a mature mane of chest hair) tucked into khaki shorts and sporting boat shoes. Also look for horrendous dance moves, a white man's overbite, male pattern baldness and a penchant for picking up the bar tab."

The best part is the photo of Rod Stewart next to the definition.

It won't catch on like "cougar." It doesn't have the predatory innuendo or derogatory insinuation of "cougar."

But I still have to commend whoever wrote it for at least attempting to find a male equivalent.